Doc Tales

September 5, 2018 — 

Recently, one of our esteemed research members offered up the following hypothesis: "Marrying rich is the solution to financial distress." Intrigued by this, and always looking for the next good practice tip, I inquired as to his Materials and Methods and requested he explain his proposed control. In response, he took it upon himself to conduct a quick metadata analysis and drew the following conclusion:

"Although the hypothesis is straightforward, i.e., marrying rich is the solution to financial distress, the methods are quite varied. At one end of the methodology spectrum is the hit-a-homerun-the-first-time ¹, and on the other end is try-try-again ². Results indicate that neither method is foolproof. In fact, there is a high confidence level (>95%) that the entire spectrum of such marrying for money methods are invalid and do not support the hypothesis. Thus, hypothesis is invalid.
¹Marriage of Nicole Smith to J. Howard Marshall.
²Marriage of Elizabeth Taylor to et al.

Since I must reject the original hypothesis, I have diligently generated a second one - The solution to financial distress is not buying enough lottery tickets. I consulted with my wife of 38 years for fiscal advice. She told me to "quit goofing off, and don't quit my day job." In addition to that wisdom, it seems my research funding is being pulled and I will not be able to test the second hypothesis."

Although he failed to prove his hypothesis, it does appear to me that, after 38 years of middle-class wedded bliss, he has plenty of empirical evidence that money ain't what buys happiness.